A wee bit tight down there

Miss K has reviewed Elise Sutton highlighting once again how ES' writing is often weird, full of contradictions and the like. One of these misconceptions is humiliation. I was very very much, confused when I met a wonderfully dominant woman about 10 years ago and when it came to sex and humiliation, there was none of the 'wee limp cock' humiliation.

Even today we often have a nice night in where something like this happens.

We lie in bed, close to each other. She has asked me to masturbate very slowly, from time to time she directs the rythm of my hand, sometimes she touches the tip of my penis, then again she squeezes my nipples or tickles me.

"I like it when you are hard."

I move closer hoping - without success - for her to make me move faster, allow me to enter her.

"You feel warm and calm like this - move slower."

I obey, turn my head to the side, kiss her shoulder.

"Would you like to be inside me?" Her hands touch my stomach, I know she will tickle me if I say yes.

"Probably" - I carefully whisper.

She looks ay me quizzically. "Not definitely?"

"Yes"

"It is a shame, you are so hard now, it'll be a wee bit tight and uncomfortable. Maybe some other time, but I'd love your tongue.

It is as horrible and frustrating as the 'wee cock' experience but there is none of the humiliation. There is just the two consenting adults having sex the way they enjoy and in a way where the woman has learned to have confidence when taking control of the events.

Own your submission

A few years ago I was giving a talk about "ownership" in a professional environment. The gist was somewhat like:

Whatever your role, however unimportant you are in a job, you must own the responsibility given to you. Take a project manager, he is paid for delivering his project on time and budget. Yet that does not mean he owns it.  If the company who is paying is not interested in the success of the project, then he can either slack and do whatever he wants or vice versa he is in trouble because no matter how hard he tries, he won't be able to deliver.

Ownership means that your employer buys your time and adequate work. If it is a free giveaway because a department needs you and a few more other guys to hit body count or if the job just exists because some other people did not like your boss but cannot get rid of him, get the hell out.

Now I recently read the most uninspiring book about femdom (I shall not disclose the title just to keep this piece of cheap ebook pron unmentioned as much as possible) and upon reflection I felt that ownership was what was lacking. The role of the Mistress was one of a person enjoying cruelty the role of the submissive was one of a person feeling sexually inadequate, unable to look face to face to the dominant if needed and generally not at all a person who dared to stand their ground.

It made me realise how much ownership of anything you do is important in life. Even in submission. If you do not pride in doing your best to deliver what is expected from you or if the person you want to deliver for does not have a vested interest in grooming you and challenging you that little bit further, then its not worth trying. Get the hell out.

I want these

It feeld ages since I last blogged and it has been ages indeed. Everything has been a little busy but I have just bought a set (actually 2 of good old Clejuso 15R cuffs) They are on order and I am really looking forward to pick the up from the post office this weekend. Unless the fit through the door that is.

Being the Chauffeur

A few weeks ago, my wife asked me to give her a lift into town where she met some friends for a Saturday night. I did, but felt annoyed when she was more than an hour late for her friends. I had planned to drive back home and watch a DVD and then pick her up. So being delayed, I said I would not pick her up until a lot later than what was originally planned. When I did pick her up, she was drunk and asked if I could her and her friends home, which I did. 

Last weekend, we discussed options how to move deeper into the form or relationship that I crave. To me an important part of this is that I want her to take more control and authority. Sometimes she is very authoritative but at other time she is not. This event to me is a prime example. There are a number of things that I wish she had done:

• She should not have accepted, that I complained that she was running late. When we discussed the plans for Saturday night she did not even need to mention a specific time. All she could have requested for me to be available within a minutes notice to driver her into town from say 7 pm. 
• The Edinburgh City Centre is a mess when it comes to driving and the Tram works mean there are closed roads and poorly signed diversions. Surely her planned route was incorrect and I complained because she was not exactly sure where the club she was heading for was. Every second of this I was hoping she would turn into her dominant mode and tell me off. Surely she should just tell me in the afternoon where she wanted to go to and ask me to make sure I knew the route - even if that meant having a look for current diversion on my own.
• Asking her to stay out longer was clearly unacceptable - and again when I did ask for this I was expecting her to turn on her heel and tell me off. She should never have accepted that, instead she should  have ordered me to stay nearby and be on call within 5 minutes. There were clearly plenty of things I could have done by just bringing my laptop.
• When I arrived for the pick-up and drove all of them home, she was very glad and thanked me several times. Why? She really should expect me to do that

This might all give the impression that my wife is not dominant at all. But there were clearly elements where she was and I do not want to leave these unmentioned:

• When she thanked me for driving all of them home, she mentioned "You know not to ever expect that from me - right?"
• When the three of them were (slightly drunk) in the car she said "It is so sweet of you to drive is - don't expect me to be sweet to you later" - right in front of her friend. I sometimes wonder how much her friends know about how I feel.

    

Serving Tea

Living in a relationship where the dominant partner does not fully understand her actual control over me, I pride myself in being service oriented and preparing breakfast, lunch and dinner as often as I can without interfering with my partner's desires. 

Whilst she seems to enjoy this, I have a constantly evolving desire to serve a more formal afternoon tea, purely serving her in the role of a waiter. Certainly this should be much more upscale than PG Tips and M&S scone.

The tea service would start with her being formally escorted to the seat and offered a menu. The guest could chose from a selection of drinks of fine origin and processing such as:

• Ti Kuan Yin - Traditionally Oolong teas are the heavy morning teas. The 'iron goddess of mercy' tea is a much lighter variety, resembling white teas with light floral undertones instead of the buttery flavour of the average Oolong.
• Jasmin Silver Needle - White tea with just the finest and youngest tea leaves infused with the scents of the jasmin flower.
• Pu'er (Shou variety) - The grounding and mellow Pu'erh with a twist, select between brewed for as little as 45 seconds to keep it nice and sweet and avoid the bitterness or enjoy a second infusion, full flavoured but milder and softer in flavour than the harsh first brew.

Alongside I would love to serve:

• Fresh organic scones - right from the oven
• Home made rich clotted cream
• 'Labour of Love' strawberry jam with self picked strawberries, allowed to mature over 3 days before being reheated, to give it a rich fruity and sweet flavour and a dark texture, based on a Thane Prince recipe.

From heading out to pick the strawberries myself to preparing the clotted cream, creating a tea menu, printing it on 'menu' cards to finally preparing and heating the scones, what I like about this idea is that essentially there are hours of preparation that culminate in only an hour or two for the actual tea service. Yet even during the service I am the waiter, the serving staff and my whole purpose is for her to enjoy herself, I would have dedicated all this time on her pleasure. 

The trouble is, that she will enjoy this in company and the company she usually would have would think that it is a little odd for me to serve her with this level of dedication?

Help, what can I do!

The Subs Holiday Pleasure

Okay for all those who have not noticed my long absence over the last month we were away for a well deserved but unusually long holiday - actually our honeymoon. This was in the middle of nowhere, I mean it, there lived a mere 400 people in the place and there was no other town or village within the next 100 miles. Neither was there a road out of the place. One of the preparations my wife had made was that she decided to take the pill, not to avoid getting pregnant but to avoid the period whilst being away.

She did take it about 6 years ago for a while and we noticed that in this period her interest in sex went downhill.   So we spent 4 weeks of regular nightly massages and caressing and sometimes me giving her an orgasm but there was no sex in it for me. 

I very much enjoyed this. I loved to snuggle up with her at night with a small glimpse of hope she may turn around and look after or ask for intercourse. But this never happened. She was happy and relaxed and having to pay attention to me would just have been obstructive.

We did not take the chastity belt and she accepted that I took matters in my own hands before falling asleep but nevertheless I felt that I had done my submissive duties by trying everything I could to relax her and step aside my own interests.

I am glad this is how our holiday ended. I am glad she enjoyed it, I am glad I will remember it for being a time that I dedicated to make her happy rather than a time that she catered for me. After all she wore the most amazing high heels at the wedding outfit. 

A conversation

There are few people who know about my submissive feelings and have met me. Past girlfriends do, a handful of friends. Those friends are usually distant friends, people I do not have regular contact with, people who would just about make it into my facebook circle of friends.

One of the downsides with such a distant friendship is, that I do remember who I have discussed all this with but tend to forget how much detail I shared over the years.

About three years ago I had a long walk with this friend on a wonderful summer evening. relationship was going through a rough period at the time, she knew and until today I am unsure if she had second thoughts - then that is - I am sure she does not now. She is in many ways an open women but with principles, so I knew by explaining some outline of my desires I would be more than clear that nothing could ever develop between us - yet I knew I was not offending her. 

Over the last 6 months, I got to know her better. She knows my partner and has been a lodger for a shirt while. Over the last month she has looked after our house while we were travelling. Yesterday I had a fairly long trip with her in the car and we discussed relationships for over 3 hours. 

She is currently dating a guy who is her senior by almost all of her age. She is happy. I felt it was weird. The guy is recently divorced. It is hard to imagine that he is interested in committing, she is looking for commitment. I do express my thoughts even if they are unpopular. 

Then she struck me by remembering more about our past conversation than I had ever thought I would have shared with her. She described my relationship as weird as one she does not understand. I got confused. I often feel that the submissive male is the most committed a man can get. Serving whatever the orders are, providing if requested, accepting much less probability to get sex and orgasms, I realized, that I'd be too committed for many. I am sure she is doing the right thing as well.  

Letting go control

One thing that is now changing as we are on our holiday, is our marital status. We have decided to tie the knot after almost a decade of dating. To me this means particularly one thing: I will give up all financial control. My salary will from now on go straight to out joint account and my wife will have control over it. I will have an emergency credit card but will not hold a card that I am meant to use. I trust her and I love her. I want to thank her for the trust she has in me to best strive in such a world.

Public Massage

We are travelling a lot at the moment and life keeps us so occupied that there is little naughty thoughts or feelings to write about. I feel like it is abandoning the blog a bit, so here a little event from earlier today.

We were on a short haul flight and I had - as so often not managed to pack the reading that feels exciting enough to dedicate any time to. My partner - on the other hand - was happily scanning through page after page on her Kindle, her legs rested on my legs. I tried to keep my legs in the position that would be most comfortable to her and felt a wonderful warmth of having a subservient role for the women I regard as my mistress. 

Then in an effort to make it even more comfortable to her, I decided to take off her boots and give her a deep tissue foot massage for the remainder of the flight. A bloke who sat next to me looked a wee bit surprised and kept staring at me. I first felt excitement and distracted. But I then remembered that all I was doing was to give my partner a relaxing massage. I concentrated on the massage and ignored the stares of the guy next to me.

I felt happy to have the privilege to massage this gorgeous girl that I love. I felt I had a purpose there and then, a purpose much higher than what may be expected. 

Vanilla vs. Kink

I have sometimes thought how my life would have changed if I had decided at the age of 18 or so to mix with a decidedly and openly kinky crowd, attended munches and tried to find a dominant partner who was out on the market to find submissive men.

Today my partner sent me a message with what is probably the cutest picture of her that I have ever seen. To me a cute picture makes me wiggle (not sure its the right word but its this feeling where my knees suddenly develop a sense of instability that I tend to get when cycling). I love cute rejection. I love it when she behaves cute and sexy and then when it comes to the time where normal couples would have sex she dismisses me, brief with little emotion. I love the feeling of being a some sort of tool in those moments. She loves the attention she can attract but that is it.

I love her and it is not the kink that drives that feeling, it is her nature and she does not play a role this is her full on.