Conclusions: Isolation

As per my previous post, I am starting this series with the topic of Isolation. I chose Isolation for a number of reasons: It is very close to my heart given my previous fantasies, it has recently featured in this post in a blog that I follow and I feel I can very much connect to that post. Last but not least, Isolation is something I have in one form or another experienced and very much enjoyed.

Definition

I feel Isolation is a poorly defined term and I also feel that thinking a bit deeper about what it can encompass is quite enlightening - particularly if your partner would not touch a padlock and leather shackle at the same time.

Isolation is often described as taking away senses. But some senses apparently can be taken away more easily then others. Just think about taking away the sense of taste. It appears difficult to take that away.

It is also frequently stated that taking one sense away makes other senses more -uhm sensitive. Again, this is somewhat superficial as I can limit a sense's sensitivity (for example by using headphones in the ears) so that the observations of that sense are just dumbed down, but they may be even more important or trigger the person's concentration on that sense. 

Let me try to approach this from an entirely different angle. Isolation is a psychological activity. The senses are not the key, it is altering the perception of the senses. Take the ABC model of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, you have the action which is registered by the senses, the belief and the consequence. The consequence is how a person reacts or perceives the action and this depends on the belief. 

Isolation is a medium to long chain of activities. It does not work in 10 seconds. So Isolation does not just affect a single action but a long chain of actions. An action can alter the belief. Now the poorer we understand an action, the more uncertainty is planted by the inputs to our belief system. 

Isolation is the continuous manipulation of a person's perception of their environment leading to an increasing loss of understanding of the environment and increased caution and distress when responding to interaction.

Just to be clear my definition is a contradiction to what;'s on Wikipedia and is purely personal. It also encompasses a wider spectrum. My definition would for example consider standing in the corner facing the wall as isolation. 

Fantasies

My fantasies on isolation have been long and deep. At a very early age, I was dreaming about being completely isolated from my environment, blacked out for long terms, not knowing or understanding anything that happened around me.

These ideas were usually connected to heavy bondage and mummification. I remember dreaming of a steel container that was perfectly matching the shape of my body for this type of scenario.

If it was only for the isolation, I also would have been very much drawn to the idea of a week in the OWK prison, asked to spend my days in a cell with no natural light and no other input to my thoughts other than having to stand during the day and be allowed to lie for 10 hours a night.

Experiences


Luckily, in real life, the world is much saner. I have learned that isolation works well for me for periods of a couple of hours as long as the setting is not painful or uncomfortable. I try to find something that I can focus on.

I have been tied in a quality body bag with a very restrictive hood for a few minutes (my estimate is 15 to 30). I was sure in that situation, that I could have easily done this for several hours. However having been tied into a cage that was too short for me to lie in was very uncomfortable and I would hope not having to endure this for any long periods. When in bondage (both in this scenario as well as when asked just to stand somewhere whilst not moving, I try to focus on maintaining an erection, having this focus point truely helps keeping my mind occupied.

I do however also consider a session where I had to walk guided by text messages isolation of some sort. It was deeply inappropriate to speak to anyone or interact with any person during this period. I was unsure what and when then next set of instructions would be sent to me. The situation was very inspiring for me. I focussed on a lot of thing I had never noticed in the same environment before. Having to identify things to occupy your mind will draw attention to small details in a way that my normal self is to preoccupied to do in every day life.

I absolutely enjoyed this and would love to experience this in a longer extended environment and maybe a more channelled way of directing my thinking.


Conclusions


As I am not planning to undertake any scenes with anyone other than my partner, I have been trying to think of suitable situations to further explore isolation. Based on my definition I am seeking situation where I have no control over the duration of the event and things that would happen around me. There should be an ongoing or better even increasing level of not understanding how the situation changes from moment to moment.

I can think of a number of ways how I can increase this helplessness in every day life. This will not change my environment moment by moment but the level of isolation will gradually increase as she is likely to claim more and more freedoms.

• I encourage and accept that my partner does not inform me of her plans for the day in many occasions. If she goes out, I may know where she is and that I am expected to pick her up or be at home, but I do not request to know how long she will be out for. If I eat at home and my partner has not eaten, I tend to get scolded.
• When watching TV I am not involved in the choice of programme. My partner loves to watch Korean and other Asian dramas where subtitles are required to follow. As I am often asked to massage her whilst she watches these programs I have no means of understanding the programmes but I have asked her that even after she is happy with the massage, She should expect me to wait on her, and not just leave the room.  
• As she is planning the day, I am wherever possible not asking for her plans. I will follow her when requested to and otherwise ensure that I can serve her and have anticipated any needs that she may have. 

Whilst I have started on the above and these are in some way already a reality, I would like to go deeper with these experiences. I am currently thinking about ways that she would arrange more proactively:

During our long distance relationship, she has often asked me not to see her on weekends where she wanted her piece and quiet. I was explicitly uninvited on such weekends for example to allow her to read the new Harry Potter. 

As we will be living together, I would love her to engineer such weekends in the future. My partner is willing to go to some length to establish her freedom and I can see her preparing a program for me for a day or weekend so she can have the house for herself. If for example I was to arrive at home on a Friday night and be asked to surrender all money and cards and then be sent to take a picture of some random - non important item some 25 miles away, having to walk there and back, I think this would be a very sensual idea. 

I also wonder if it could be possible to try something similar to a self experiment that I have tried in the past. my partner has lost a lot of love letters that I have sent her when we first dated. They were stories she loved and that I find hard to get the inspiration to rewrite anywhere near as nice. I could imagine that being isolated from her could help with this inspiration.

I can see several ways how this could work. Being tied to a chair and desk with only a pen and some paper or a laptop to write these stories would be one option. I have often dreamed in the last few months that she could send me to walk to a pub a few miles away, buy a dram and start writing a love story for her, bring it back and repeat the exercise until one day I have written one that would pass her review. 

All this centres around the insecurity of what happens next the loss of control and surrendering power. I am not so much interested in the sensory deprivation. Not because I do not like it - I do - but because unless this is what she desires, this form of isolation would not put me into a mood that I am doing this for her. 

I am not sure if I will ever find a way of convincing her of the last few ideas. They are far to drawn out to really still be interesting but if she ever get to understand me well enough to come up with similar ideas, then I think I have truely arrived at the point where I can stop thinking about these desires and let her fantasy and creativity rule my life completely.