Dream to Reality

So there I was, lying on a mat, no more than half an inch thick on the floor. After months of dreaming about it, a reality check is great. It reminds one how much daydream desires and reality differ at times.

But I have no regret. Not a single one. So here is how I felt:

• I felt thankful: My partner accepted my desire, she allowed me to go through with it and she did not budge a bit. I was allowed to sleep down there and if I had tried ti change my mind I am certain she would have reminded me of that for a long time. 
• I felt the pain: It is not meant to be easygoing. It is not meant to be cushy an soft it is meant to be a reminder that I do not deserve as much as I seek for her. Or rather that looking forward I hope that she will be able to withhold this comfort from me whenever she desires - without feeling any remorse or regret and maybe even enjoying it. 
• I felt proud: We have a spare bedroom with a nice bed and I could have opted for that, but again its not the idea. I desire to be close, I desire to feel the pain for being close. Being close I could look at her sleeping there at any point in time. I was there to massage her feet is she woke up or asked for it.
• I felt desire: To be honest all night I was very aroused. I was further away than I would normally be but I felt close. I felt I did what was fair to her (make sure her bed sheets will not smell or otherwise be spoilt by me). I felt she was there in all her grace without the slightest impurity.

I loved last night and I hope there will be many more. Yes I did not sleep a lot but enough. Sleep is overrated it's like practising death.